The word "fundie" is consistently used online as a derogatory word for people who use their religion as an excuse to assault others. It is a diminished form of "fundamentalist" because fundies frequently claim to be fundamentalists.
This list is not meant to ridicule those who truly believe in using their religion as a self help tool to improve themselves. Those try to live their lives in a way that would make others wish to emulate them as a good example.
Instead it points out the games played by those bigots who try to wrap their bigotry in religious robes in an attempt to hide the true ugliness of what they preach. It helps to recognize that these ARE games, not legitimate discussions. Recognizing them -- and letting the fundies KNOW they are recognized -- cuts their power.
100-odd Games Fundies Play
1. "Hubris in Action" After a long series of posts about how wonderful he is, the fundie will try for the "most modest" award by saying something like: "I don't know where to begin! Seriously... But then I don't like to boast." Then he expands on his boasts.
2. "Oops! Wrong victim!" The fundie has been screaming at someone for some imagined "sin". When it turns out that the person has NOT committed that particular "sin", rather than apologize, they trot out the "everyone sins" message in order to claim that the other person must have done SOME sin, so he deserved the tongue-lashing anyway. It is a way of avoiding personal responsibility for their own mistake.
3. The "False Modesty" gambit. The fundie claims he sins because, after all, EVERYONE sins. It's a beautiful sublimation. "Everybody sins, therefore I'm not all that ugly after all." He trots out the "everyone sins" message to absolve himself of responsibility, as if HIS sins are completely unimportant because "everyone does it". Then, after selling his credentials as the winner of the most humble contest, he begins assaulting everyone else for being sinners. Otherwise known as "I'm OK, you are a horrible sinner."
4. "You're no better than I am, you horrible sinner!" The everyone sins message is used as a tactic to tear down someone who appears to be good, and of whom no one has anything bad to say other than the poster. It is a "I am as good as he is because he sins too" comment.
5. "Sin of the Day", also known as "Your sin's bigger than mine" -- When a sinscreamer gets nailed for committing what he has said is a sin, he claims that the "sin of the day" (currently this appears to be homosexuality) is more awful than anything else in all recorded history, and continues his rant while ignoring his own faults. After all, HIS sins are not as important.
6. The Magic Decoder Ring ploy is used to make the fundie feel good about running away from an argument in which he is being trounced. They say something like: "I wouldn't expect the unsaved - who doesn't know the Word of God - to understand a Godly concept.'
7. "The Unnatural Two-Step". A gay-basher shows up declaring that homosexuality is "unnatural". He is provided with overwhelming proof that homosexuality occurs in nature frequently, and so is perfectly natural. He then responds with a: "EEEUUUUUWWWW!!!! You say you are like an ANIMAL??!! UGH!! YUCK!!! YOU ARE COMPARING HOMOSEXUALS TO ANIMALS!!!!! Ugh!! So you are ANIMALS, unlike us pure heterosexuals who never do ANYTHING that animals do! PASS THE SMELLING SALTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
8. The "grace vs. law" argument. To explain why none of the old testament applies to THEM, they will say that everyone is under grace, so they don't have to worry about it. This does not stop them from hand-picking their misinterpretations of Old Testament passages to apply to OTHERS because that is "guidance" (which applies to others, but not to them).
9. "Well, I didn't say it to YOU!" In this ploy a fundie will post a really abusive and/or racist post about some group of people (Blacks are all drug dealers living off welfare, Wiccans are Devil worshippers, gays are all child molesters) in an area where he KNOWS a member of that group will see it. Then he will go on how they hadn't said it to HIM, so how DARE he be upset!
10. Sinscreaming. The "You horrible sinners are going to HELL!" argument. Apparently fundies think this can make up for a lack of a rational response. This is also known as the "Volume and repetition are always a substitute for facts and logic." game. The fundie blithely ignores all the facts presented and just continues sinscreaming.
11. "Selective Blindness" -- otherwise known as: "The Bible must be wrong because it doesn't agree with what I have been taught" argument. This is part and parcel of the "The words don't really mean what they say" argument, and can apply to any subject.
12. "Banned in Boston!" "I haven't read it or seen it, but I know it's bad and should be banned!" In this game the fundie starts an assault against the very idea that anyone should either see or read something of which he disapproves, with the certainty that it is EVIL -- without ever having checked for himself. This runs the gamut of opposing the reading of Harry Potter, watching "The Inquisitions" on the History channel, or viewing the "100-Odd Games Fundies Play" list.
13. The "imploding fundie" gambit involves nonstop insult and obscenity laced messages, used to show that they are at the end of their rope and are completely irrational and unable to defend their opinions.
14. You're deliberately misreading my words" when their words are being reposted back to them, and they don't like the logical conclusion being drawn -- by which time they tend to segue into "The Self-Martyr".
15. The "pre-martyr". This character is so obsessed with becoming a martyr that he keeps up an ongoing commentary on how horribly he is going to be treated sometime in the future.
16. The self-martyr. This one usually hits his stride in his 2nd post whining about how horribly he is being treated for speaking "the truth". Some go overboard and start it with their first post even before getting any responses. See "pre-martyr". Also known as "You're all picking on me."
17. The "HOC maneuver." It's going ballistic prematurely, aggressively, and seemingly without reason, against a new poster with the intention of chasing the other person away. Usually the other guy never gets a chance to talk before he's hounded out of the space.
18. "I am being unfairly censored!" This is just a subset of the self-martyr when personally abusive parts of their posts get edited.
19. "My rights are being trampled!" This comes out when people point out that their nonstop abuse of others is not well received. Somehow they think that they have the right to assault, but the victim is not allowed to defend himself without trampling his rights.
20. "I am above the rules and the law!" Make the subject rules, staff, and the unfairness of enforcement. This is again a subset of the self-martyr.
21. "You Said He Said." Make the thread about who said what and in which message so it turns into an endless game of "you said, he said" without once addressing the actual issues.
22. "Holy Anger" -- the fundie will claim that hatred, anger and violence is perfectly fine as long as it is "holy" anger, hatred and violence directed at his "enemies". The fundie is incapable of seeing that this is identical to the approach of extremist Islamic terrorists because they are not "Christian".
23. "False Credentials" In this game a fundie will make a claim to being an important expert with a Doctorate in the subject at hand. Chances are he also displays a diploma from a diploma mill whose only requirement for graduation is that you pay them. In any case, he quickly displays absolute ignorance of the subject and the ploy is revealed.
24. "I already said I refuted that!" in response to something they couldn't respond to before and still can't. They think no one will notice that if they could refute it before, they could do it now. They are now too embarrassed to repeat what has already been thoroughly debunked, because they don't want people to see the refutation again.
25. "That isn't what it means" with no explanation is really considered a valid response from fundies. Apparently they don't know what they mean either. Also phrased as: "Us Fundies is right about the Bible. You all wrong!"
26. "Cheer leading lost causes", also known as "glubies" (thanks Max) - encouraging, congratulatory and essentially cheesy remarks about how well they're doing exchanged between Fundies who are being thoroughly trounced in debate
27. "You use too many words!" When presented with a detailed analysis -- usually after the fundie has whined that the previous post left out "context" -- the fundie will complain that the response has too much information and so should be ignored. He says: "If you use too many words, you lose your audience."
28. "Facts and analysis are malarkey" approach to a discussion. Instead of addressing the points raised, merely keep repeating (with no evidence or rationale) that the opposing argument is "nonsense. Interesting enough, THIS particular version is usually used when discussing scientific matters such as evolution, with the claim that THEIR approach is "scientific".
29. The "I REALLY want to discuss this topic but..." response. Somehow the fundie, who spends perhaps 12 hours a day online, spends the entire post talking about himself and how he does not have enough time to answer the question. He tries to imply that all the other posters are retired millionaires with nothing else to do but make him look bad.
30. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" "What I provided in response to your earlier post wasn't meant to have anything to do with what we are discussing so stop asking me why I gave it." This one is really funny to watch as the fundie continues to run from his own example, and from all requests to provide one that IS relevant.
31. The "the buck stops waaaaaaaay over there" ploy, where they claim that they can't explain their own opinions so you should go talk to someone else about what they mean. You don't expect them to understand their own statements, do you?
32. "Manna was made out of cornbread!" In this fun exercise, the fundie makes a claim that is so extremely stupid that it immediately sidetracks the entire discussion. The idea is to get people so interested in pointing out that corn was not even introduced to the region until thousands of years later that they forget about the real discussion and the fundie's complete inability to support his opinion. This allows the fundie to make the same false statement later on and claim that he was never refuted before.
33. The "The Bible means what *I* want it to mean" game. The Bible doesn't really say what it meant or mean what it said. It MEANT to limit (or expand) the words much more than actual words do. This argument usually shows up as soon as anyone actually looks at the verses the fundie is using to abuse others.
34. "Jesus doesn't count." When faced with the words of Jesus Christ opposing his actions, a fundie will discount Jesus. "I have some other passages that say that Jesus is wrong here". Fundies usually avoid the words of Jesus Christ at all costs because they are so clearly described as Pharisees, and any attempt to get them to see what JESUS said will be rapidly deflected. They may say: "Jesus isn't important. PAUL is the one with all the answers who CLARIFIED Jesus." They can't support themselves with in-context words of Paul either, but this allows them to actively oppose the clear words of Jesus Christ and still call themselves Christians.
35. "I am not a fundie!" In spite of all evidence to the contrary, a fundie will frequently claim that he is NOT a fundie. But if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and lays eggs like a duck, it is probably a duck.
36. The "Opinions of bigots take priority over anything -- even the Bible" argument. Well, none of the OTHER bigots I know accept that the words mean what they say.
37. "The Tourette syndrome." Maybe if I use a bunch of foul language to describe what Jesus said, and spew a bit more hate and raw bigotry, no one will notice that I don't have a valid response.
38. The "The Pharisees were right!" response. You would be surprised how often fundies actually quote the PHARISEES as their justification. One favorite: "You were born totally in sin".
39. The "Accuse everyone else of what *I* am doing" game. Fundies think that if they accuse others of what THEY are doing, no one will notice their hypocrisy.
40. The "I said something really brilliant in another forum on this subject so I am right" ploy. They never seem capable of repeating that brilliance for some reason, in spite of numerous requests that they do so.<g>
41. "I think in bumper stickers": The fundie will mindlessly repeat short, memorized phrases rather than engaging in a rational discussion. He will fiercely oppose any attempt to get him to actually engage his brain. See "You use too many words!".
42. "You will never 'get it" This game disparages someone who has just blown them away in debate by whining to another fundie that he "will never get it". Naturally again there is nothing to back up their opinions.
43. The magic spell: "CONTEXT!" This is game is usually played AFTER the fundie has just received a refutation of his position in FULL context. Naturally he provides none of his own. The fundie seems to think that the word "context" is a magic spell that makes valid arguments disappear without having to waste time on facts or reason.
44. The "Blame the Victim" ploy is quite common among fundies. Most fundies are pretty ignorant of Jesus Christ, so do not know that he disapproves of that tactic.
45. The "Dr. Fox syndrome" was invented by a fraud who gave a speech composed almost exclusively of buzzwords. Use of large and obscure words tends to lead people to increase their estimation of the erudition of the speaker, especially if the meaning of the speech is also obscure. Most fundies don't have the charisma or word skills to carry it off.
46. The "Music Man" gambit -- from the movie of the same name. It includes "THINK OF THE CHILDREN" and "We've got trouble, right here in River City". It usually starts off with getting hysterical about some non-problem, appealing to people's fears about their children, and then gets used to sell something no one needs.
47. The "Humpty Dumpty syndrome", wherein a word means precisely what the fundie wants it to mean, not what the dictionary says.
48. The "Spoiled Brat" ploy. The fundie raves over how "special" he must be since people are paying attention to him. Apparently his real life is so barren of human contact that this is the best he can get.
49. The "Let's pretend we were discussing something else" ploy. When the fundie finds he has nothing to stand on, he suddenly starts pretending to be discussing a DIFFERENT verse without telling anyone that is what he is doing.
50. There is also the ever popular "Bible Roulette" game. When a fundie has nowhere to go, he will pull a verse at complete random out of the Bible and say: "There! This proves my point!" They rarely quote the actual words of the verses, hoping no one will check up on them.
51. The "he who yells the loudest, is the rightest" ploy. This normally involves putting their entire post in caps, perhaps with artificially enlarged text.
52. The "Fundie Blinders" game. The biggest problem with fundies is that they NEVER look at the full context, even when it is laid out for them. They just start exactly where they are told to start, stop exactly where they are told to stop, and carefully ignore everything else. Then they are given a hate-filled misinterpretation of the tiny verse-fragment they have torn out of context and will never be shaken from that twisting of scripture no matter what.
53. "The Culture Clash". The fundies have two versions of this. In one they will claim that a passage "has to be interpreted based on the culture" and then mischaracterize the culture of the times. In another they will completely ignore the culture because that would be inconvenient for their argument.
54. The 'flounce' is the announcement that they are leaving the forum and the discussion, never ever to return. The "flounce" is also applied to individuals with a "I will never speak to you again!" proclamation. Unfortunately they never follow through. It is just a play for attention. The fundies MIGHT, however, come back under different screen names to try and hold on to the fiction that they actually left.
55. the "watchman" game. The fundies claim that if they don't go around proselytizing in the most abusive way possible, God will personally see that they go to hell, no matter how good their lives have been otherwise. This justifies nonstop hounding of "sinners". Naturally the fundies are unalterably opposed to anyone preaching to them, or even correcting any errors.
56. "Holy Marketing". This is the religious equivalent of telemarketing or popup ads on the internet. The idea is to inundate all media with their message so that nothing else can be seen.
57. The "I am merely a puppet." game. For this one the fundie spews some hate-filled message in his or her own words, then claims he is merely "repeating what the bible says". In this one the fundie realizes that the message he is pushing is so foul and evil that even he can't bring himself to admit that he supports it. Instead of taking personal responsibility for it and saying he AGREES with it, he instead says: "I am merely repeating what the Bible says." By doing so he is slandering God and Christianity. This is also known as "The Bible made me do it" and "I vas only followink orders."
58. "The Big Lie". Most fundie statements involve use of "The Big Lie". They just repeat some hate-filled piece of sewage over and over again so often they think people will believe it just because of repetition.
59, The "I curse you!" ploy. The fundie begins gloating over how much pain someone will be in as if he personally is causing it through his own magical actions. This is closely related to the "hand me a pitchfork" game, which is actually a subset of "I curse you".
60. The "Hand me a pitchfork" ploy. In this version, the fundie gloats about how much fun he is going to have looking down on the sinners in hell, perhaps pouring some of the boiling oil or poking them with pitchforks himself. He never stops to think who it is who hands out the pitchforks, or if perhaps that entity has other ideas in mind for him.
61. The "Spouse Abuse" ploy. While spewing the most foul venom imaginable at someone, a fundie will end up with: "I do love you". Fundies sometimes call this "Hate the sin, love the sinner."
62. The "Not a Real Christian" game. In general, anyone who does meet their very narrow definition is "not a Christian". If we believed all of them, NO ONE would be a Christian.
63. "Christians don't sin the way others do." Somehow "Christians" become some sort of super-race without the failings of mere mortals. So they claim that "everyone sins" but Christian's sins aren't as bad as non-Christians. (Keep in mind the "not a REAL Christian" ploy which is frequently used in conjunction with this one.)
64. The "Everything is possible if you just believe and pray hard enough" game. If you really believe you can make water run uphill. Why don't "I" pray for water to run uphill? Because we who are truly enlightened do not need to demonstrate our abilities to unbelievers.
65. "The Titanic Cannot Sink" ploy. The fundie uses this one when absolute proof has been provided that he is wrong. Rather than admit error, he just insists it is true because something SAYS it is true. One can talk as much as he can of all the wonderful safety features that make it impossible for the Titanic to sink, but there it is at the bottom of the ocean. This comes up most when the "everyone sins" message is challenged. The Bible is filled with people who, according to the Bible and Jesus, did not sin. Even one example of someone who did not sin is proof that the "everyone sins" message is false. There's the Titanic, sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
66. "Speaking in Tongues". For some reason there are a number of fundies who will lapse into complete gibberish when holding a conversation. Somehow gibberish seems more empowering to them, though I am not sure what they expect..
67. The "Kicking the shmoo" game. Fundies are usually under the impression that everyone but themselves are "shmoos". A "shmoo" was a mythical creature from the "Little Abner" cartoons. A shmoo always loves to be kicked around and just LOVES anyone who kicks them. Fundies have a hard time believing that anyone they assault isn't a shmoo who should be SO thankful for the abuse! Their victims are supposed to lie down on the ground and thank the fundies for beating them because anything less would be "intolerance", "opposing free speech", and "persecution" of the fundies. Somehow fundies seem unable to understand the concept that self defense (against them) is justified.
68. The "Cafeteria Christian" gambit, in which the fundie in question picks one piece from the Old Testament to apply to everyone else, but will nosh on rabbit fricassee, ham sandwiches, and shrimp cocktail with gleeful abandon on their way for a shave and a haircut in a poly-cotton blend shirt.
69. "Sin for Jesus", otherwise known as the "Jesus will dry up and blow away if we don't go around sinning, so sin for Jesus!" ploy. Why Jesus would suddenly disappear if someone wasn't sinning is never really explained but they really believe that if even one person did not sin, Christianity would dry up and blow away.
70. "Evolution is only a theory!" In this fundie game, the fundie will attempt to pretend that a scientific theory is just a wild-assed guess, even though he has been presented with the definition many times in the past.
71. The "Opinion Fallacy" holds that all opinions are the equal of all other opinions regardless of whether they're valid or not. If something is called 'opinion' it cannot be subject to criticism and/or ridicule.
72. The "God'll Get You Anyway" game. You may not be doing such and such, but because you won't agree with the fundie that it's a sin, the fundie points out that God will send you to hell anyway, mostly for disagreeing with the fundie.
73. BEGGING THE QUESTION, an argument in which the conclusion is implied or already assumed in the premise. Also said to be a circular argument. For example, a fundie will find a passage that condemns sin in general, claim that this covers his particular "sin of the day", and offer that as his PROOF that his "sin of the day" is actually a sin.
74. The RED HERRING, introduction of an irrelevant issue into a discussion as a smokescreen. It is a tactic designed to divert attention from the issue at hand. There are numerous variations on this tactic, but the underlying idea is that if they KNOW they have lost the debate and feel that the only hope is to distract people from noticing the obvious.
75. The FALSE ANALOGY, an unsound form of inductive argument in which an argument relies heavily on a weak or irrelevant analogy to prove its point. The fundie usually gets quite upset when his analogy is carried to its logical conclusion, or else is modified to make it a more accurate representation of the actual facts.
76. "Spiritual Interpretation", otherwise known as "I don't HAVE to know what the Bible says!" This is based on the idea that they are so spiritually evolved that they know more about the Bible and God than anyone else, so it doesn't matter if their opinions are directly contradicted by the Bible. This is certainly a prime example of the sin of Hubris.
77. "Pascal's Wager" tries to tie belief in the Christian God to self-interest rather than evidence. It is based on the premise that God will do horrible things to you if you don't believe in him without any evidence of his existence. Unfortunately, the Christian God can undoubtedly see through such a selfish attempt. He would probably condemn people to hell who went through the motions of belief just on the off chance God might torture them for eternity if they didn't. This is a variant of the "curse-you" game in which the fundie attempts to blame God for the misery you are allegedly sure to suffer in the afterlife based on his beliefs.
78. The "Fundie Circle Jerk". In this one, the fundie starts off claiming that some passage supports his opposition to his favorite "sin of the day" and starts bashing people with it. When it is proven that the passage does NOT support him, he starts whining that some OTHER passage "proves" that the original passage supports his opinion. When THAT one is proven wrong, he runs to another, and then another, and keeps going until he returns to the original, apparently completely unaware that he has failed in every instance to support his position. Then the fundie circle-jerk starts up again and keeps going.
79. "Agumentum ad furious assertion" involves the fundie asserting the same thing over and over again without any proof, acting indignant that anyone could POSSIBLY think he is wrong.
80. "Dognity" -- an attempt by a fundie to pretend that spouting bigoted dogma instantly infuses hate speech with dignity.
81. "Freedom of Speech Doublespeak" -- in this game, the fundie starts a mad tirade about how anyone who opposes his viewpoint is against "freedom of speech" and should be forced to shut up. This is normally because the opposing views are so compelling that he thinks silencing the opposition is the only option he has left. Somehow a fundie cannot get it through his head that free speech means OTHERS can have their say too.
82. "Moving the goal posts" -- in this interesting game the fundie makes some bald statement, like "Nothing has ever been left out of any Bible". After numerous counterexamples he keeps excluding things from what he originally said until the word "nothing" finally morphs into something like: "nothing that was needed for the purpose of many purpose which can be reasonably be construed as Christian was left out".
83. "Bible Quote Flooding" The fundie spews forth endless lists of Bible quotes, none of which appear to be relevant, with no analysis or human thought interjected. The end of the post is always: "So there, that proves it." This is a variant of the "Bible Roulette" game, but with more random quotes.
84. "Semantic Deception" One of the many dishonest games Fundies play, this one is in reference to the habit of making the Bible say what they want it to say. When a Fundie is confronted with an obvious contradiction or biblical problem, he will often claim that the accuser is taking a verse out of context. Interestingly, Fundies are known for taking verses out of context, and are incapable of showing what context has been missed.
85. "You aren't worthy". In this fundie game, the fundie claims that a poster who clearly knows a LOT more about the subject than he does isn't "worthy" of a debate because the other person isn't a "real Christian" or "saved" or "born again" etc. This allows the fundie to play "holier than thou" while still running from the discussion.
86. The "neo-Pharisee" ploy involves inaccurately interpreting a Bible passage so narrowly that the fundie claims it doesn't apply to him. For example, many fundies will claim that the word "NOTHING" means "everything except food".
87. "Unikronicity": the act of declaring oneself "different from all those others" and then using the same tactics against a population they supposedly are sympathetic to. This usually starts out as: "I am not a homophobe, but..."
88. "I'll get back to you on that, but I have an answer...." The fundie never does, of course, because he does NOT have an answer. This is just one of many ways of avoiding admitting that he was wrong while pretending to be knowledgeable.
89. "Dead bigots must know what they are talking about". In this ploy, the fundie refers to the opinions of dead bigots to support his own bigotry. Naturally the dead bigots could not provide anything to back up their opinions either, but that does not seem to matter.
90. "Old News". also known as: "You aren't allowed to use my own words against me!" In this fundie ploy, the fundie will have made a number of statements which HE claims are absolutely true. When it is pointed out later that this completely contradicts what he is saying now, he will get very huffy about using something he himself said BEFORE to refute what he is saying NOW.
91. "Snapping". In this game, the fundie will send post after mindless post after post to someone who has blown him away in debate saying: "Why don't you respond?" What he hopes no one notices is that the poster has ALREADY answered numerous times, and that the fundie has changed the recipient of the posts to be "all" or himself, so the original poster may never see what he says.
92. "The Armour of God". When a fundie is presented with irrefutable facts that prove that he is completely mistaken about one of his opinions, he would loudly proclaim that he is putting on his "armour of God". Apparently the "armour of God" is purposeful ignorance, and the fundie is incapable of showing any difference between the "armour of God" and purposeful ignorance.
93. "Perseveration" This is the fundie version of perseverance. It's when they keep doing the same thing, over and over, even if it's not working, and appears completely idiotic to everyone else.
94. "Projective Defensiveness". In this fundie game, the fundie engages in an unrelenting assault on another poster with a series of false and malicious accusations. When the person being assaulted counters the accusations with facts, the fundie crows: "You're becoming defensive now!"
95. "Christianity = ignorance, violence, hate and bigotry". Whenever anyone opposes the fundie's messages of violence, hatred and bigotry, they will claim that the person is "attacking Christians". Since this would only be true if ALL Christians promoted ignorance, violence, hatred and bigotry, the fundie is in effect claiming that Christianity IS ignorance, violence, hatred and bigotry.
96. "Murder, rape, and stealing is fun!" Fundies will frequently try and claim that without their particular brand of religion everyone would murder, rape, steal etc. because it is so much FUN! The fact that these people think that violent crimes are fun tells a lot more about them than it does about anyone else.
97. "The Cheerleaders Join the Game" In this fundie game, one fundie will make an outrageous and false claim to try and "prove" himself right. As he gets blown away, other fundies will jump in claiming that the first fundie was absolutely right. Sometimes they get themselves confused and wind up proving the opposite instead.
98. "Fundamentalism = ignorance, violence, hate and bigotry". Whenever someone is successfully opposing the hate-filled messages of fundies, and they have failed in their attempts to pretend that opposing their bigotry is opposing all Christians, they then fall back on claiming that the person opposing their dishonest tactics are opposing all fundamentalists, even though fundies are no more fundamentalists than stick insects are sticks.
99. "Memory Loss". The fundie will be provided with absolute proof that he is mistaken about some fact, and moments later he will be once again making the same discredited claim as if he never heard the refutation before. He will also deny that the refutation has ever even been given.
100. "Dropping turds in the punchbowl". In this fundie game, the fundie will show up at a forum of "sinners", drop off some obnoxious sinscreaming posts, and then disappear, never responding to any answers. After all, HE would never drink from something he had befouled that way.
101. "Delusions of Adequacy". This fundie game involves taking on a screen name the fundie hopes will impress the gullible while spewing some of the most vile and hate-filled messages imaginable either in forums or chat rooms. The screen name could be anything from a favorite verse used to abuse others, a description of a truly religious person or, in an act of ultimate hubris and blasphemy, "God".
102. "Destructive Criticism". In this bizarre fundie game, the fundie will verbally assault the people who are working to solve a problem that HE says needs to be solved. Apparently they are not doing "enough". Other than saying that an amorphous "they" should force everyone else to do more, he has nothing to contribute and is not doing anything on his own to help.
103. "I never said anything about..." This is one of the more pathetic fundie games. When someone does a copy and paste to back quote the words of a fundie which he does not want to acknowledge he made, the fundie will say something like: "You're spreading false statements! I never said anything about..." All that is necessary is to back up the thread to find exactly where he said what he is now denying he ever said. Apparently he assumes all other posters must be as ignorant as he is with respect to knowing how to step back up a thread in a discussion.
104. "I can't remember the trivial details". In this fundie game the fundie will brush off the fact that he has completely misrepresented some key information in order to make his point. When it is proven that the entire basis of his argument is wrong because of this basic error, he will try to brush it off as being "trivial", when in fact it is the keystone of everything he has tried to build. For example, he may claim that the Bible says that the mark of Cain was Black skin, and then goes on to use this as an excuse for lording it over Blacks. The fact that the Bible does NOT specify the mark of Cain at all, much less say it is Black skin, is brushed off as "trivial".
105. "I don't have to apologize for standing up against depravity." This fundie game is being so abusive against another poster that even some of the other fundies think he has crossed the line. When this is pointed out, the fundie merely becomes even more incensed that anyone should think that he should diminish the viciousness of his posts.
106. "If God forgives me, why can't you?" This game is actually part and parcel of the "Spouse Abuse" game. This one rarely shows up on line, where denial rules, but at home where the fundie has to live with his wife, this excuse is king. The fundie may have molested some of his children, or broken their bones, or beat his wife, or cheated with anything wearing a skirt. After getting caught, he will claim that God has forgiven him (perhaps for the 100th time for the same type offense). In the fundie's eyes, this absolves him of all blame and he can start again fresh. Anything less would be an insult to God.
107. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" The fundie interprets this to mean that violence should always be the FIRST thing tried, and he should always be looking for opportunities to use force on others. With his children this results in bruises, occasionally broken bones, and even death. On line this results in unnecessary verbal assaults when calm reason would work much better.
108. "Get out of jail free card". In this fundie game the fundie will claim that he is not subject to the normal rules of human behavior because he is religious, praise the Lord!.
109. "The end is near!" A fundie uses this as an excuse for activity that would normally be considered obnoxious because this is an EMERGENCY! The world is coming to an end! While he is absolutely certain of this fact, he will not take a bet that someone will give him $1,000 right NOW with the stipulation that everything he owns gets turned over to the other person after the date the fundie thinks will be the end of the world.
110. "The shirt off my back" A fundie will frequently extol his own virtue by claiming that he would give you the shirt off his back. If it is a nice shirt, ask for it and see what happens.
111. "I mischaracterize you!" In this fundie game, the fundie will claim that you have said something completely different from what you ACTUALLY said in order to make it appear that you agree with the fundie. Where the fundie is staff and has the ability, the fundie may actually go in and edit your message to make it appear that you slavishly agree with him or her.
112. "Pseudo-ignore" In this fundie game, the fundie will loudly declare that he has been so "offended" by someone who has trounced him in a debate that the "offender" is going on permanent ignore, and the fundie will never speak to him again. Unfortunately for the "offender", the fundie never follows through, and usually is responding to his posts just like always.
113. "The Devil made me do it." This sounds funny, but in actuality it is perhaps one of the most horrific of the fundie games. "Fighting the Devil" has been used to excuse just about anything. For example, one fundie claimed that the reason she drowned her children was because they were "possessed by the Devil". The BTK killer also used this excuse. So when a fundie begins proclaiming that someone is "possessed by demons" or "a false prophet" or any of a number of other key words, or says that sometimes demons possess HIM, this is a danger signal, not just a harmless weirdo sounding off.
114. "Preempting labels". The fundie will start a discussion by labeling the other person with his own tactics. He may claim the other person is anti-Semitic before claiming "Jews killed Jesus". Or he may accuse others of being nazis before suggesting death camps for gays.
115. "I don't believe, I KNOW." In this game, the fundie will state some outrageous opinion. When challenged, he will make that statement, thinking that somehow this makes him appear very wise.
116. "Everything is religion". In this game the fundie will claim that EVERYTHING is religion, including atheism and science. With that in place, he thinks it is no longer necessary to back up any of his statements.
117. "Mislabeling". This is roughly similar to "preemptive labels, except that the label has nothing to do with the fundie. He will call others as "An atheist like you" or "a pagan like you", particularly to people who are not atheists or pagans. It is done with the intent of being an insult.
118. "I will pray for you." This fundie game is actually meant as a verbal assault while simultaneously playing "holier than thou". It is a means of filling the fundie with the wonderful feeling he gets whenever he exhibits the sin of false pride.
119. "If you would only TRULY believe for just six months..." Somehow a fundie thinks that believing just like he does is merely a matter of just turning it on or off like a faucet. The fact that no decent person would want to be just like him, that he provides no good reason for changing to become like him, and that most people would consider it a major waste of six months doesn't get through to him either.
120. "I know a secret that you don't know. Neener neener!" In this fun game, the fundie comes out with: "If you really took the time to understand..." to try and give the impression that the fundie has secret knowledge.
121. "I am truly wonderful in real life!" In this game, the fundie tells everyone that in REAL life he is a truly wonderful, loving person that you would like on first sight. Apparently he only lets his ugly, hate-filled TRUE self out on the internet.
122. "I hate all my best friends." After a long hate-filled rant about a group of people (gays, Blacks, Jews, Wiccans) the fundie will start saying: "I don't hate them because my best friends are ---" fill in the blank with the group being vilified.
123. "You are a false prophet!" The fundie uses this to describe anyone who knows the Bible better than he does, and so can refute the filth the fundie constantly spews, pretending it comes from God.
124. "Back quote? What's a back quote?" In this fundie game the fundie will make some off-the-wall statement that makes absolutely no sense without a back quote. He does this not just because he lacks common courtesy, but also because he is hoping to waste the time of the person to whom he is responding. Also he frequently fails to provide a back quote because if he did it would be immediately obvious to everyone that he had no clue what he was talking about.
125. "I ask you again..." In this brilliant game, the fundie asks the same question over and over again, ignoring the fact that it has been answered many times already, and that the answer in any case is irrelevant to the discussion. This is very similar to "Snapping".
126. "I am the Supreme Lord High Poobah!" What the fundie forgets to mention is that in HIS sect, the term "Supreme Lord High Poobah" means "Janitor, 2nd class", and the title wouldn't be at all impressive to anyone who knew what it actually meant.
127. "You must have been molested as a child." When fundies finally realize that their sick and hate-filled messages are not taking, they try a new tack. They start trying to pretend that the person who has successfully refuted them must be "damaged" because if he wasn't, obviously he would be a hate-filled bigot too.
128. "I am legion!" In this fundie game, when the fundie realized he has been completely discredited, he will make up a number of sock-puppet screen names which will show up and say how wonderful the original is. He will even have pretend conversations with himself on how pathetic everyone else is. Apparently even he realizes that no one but himself could possibly take him seriously.
129. "Preemptive insults." The fundie will begin throwing out insults that obviously apply to HIM in an effort to detract attention from his own shortcomings. For example, he may accuse others of sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity when others have been too polite to point out that his picture is used as the illustration for those words in the dictionary. He really believes that if he uses them first, he has "dibs" and no one else is allowed to point out how well the description fits him.
130. "Methinks the lady doest protest too much." In this fundie game, the fundie will take a completely irrational defensive posture against some innocuous statement. For example, if someone points out that homophobic bigots are more likely than those who are NOT homophobic to actually be physically attracted to members of the same sex, the fundie may go into assault mode saying: "How dare you accuse me of being a fag!" Ignoring for the moment that the fundie has self-identified himself as a homophobic bigot, and the fact that HE was never even mentioned, the unrelenting insistence that the "accusation" be "taken back" merely shows that this has hit VERY close to home.
131, "My hubby's a rich, handsome doctor who looks just like Brad Pitt and spends all his time and money making me happy!" In this game, the fundie tries to bask in the glory of her imagined perfect husband by claiming to be a gold digger. Somehow she thinks that others will be impressed and think that this makes her wonderful.
132. "My wife is a fox who looks just like Brad Pitt -- I mean like Madonna!" After spending several days trying to pick up women on line in inappropriate settings while continuing his holier-than-thou assaults on others, it is brought to the fundie's attention that he must not care all that much about his own wife. He will "disprove" this assumption by claiming that his wife looks like some movie star that he has previously described as a "slut". Somehow the person under that image doesn't seem to be important to him.
133. "What do you mean 'us', white-eyes?" This comes from a joke about the Lone Ranger being surrounded by Indians, turning to Tonto and saying: "I guess this is the end for us!" In this game a fundie leader who has been a major inspiration to the fundie is caught red-handed molesting toddlers, openly calling for murder, scamming people out of their life savings, or perhaps killing his own children. The first response will usually be: "Well, he wasn't REALLY a Christian", which means they can continue to follow the hate-filled messages he has been pushing on them, but they get to disassociate themselves from the crimes. Later on, after the fundie leader has played: "God has forgiven me, why can't you?", they will go back to idolizing him.
134. "KJV is Perfect! All other versions are perversions!" In this game the fundie will be presented with quotes from the Bible he doesn't want to believe because they contradict his hate-filled messages. To avoid having to look at the original words, he will go so far as to say the King James Version "corrects" the original Hebrew and Greek. When it is pointed out that the quotes he doesn't like are FROM the KJV, he suddenly stops talking.
135. "Everything in the Bible is literally true!" Unfortunately this game does not last very long, because as soon as it is pointed out that the literal words of the Bible disagree with his favorite reason to hate people those words suddenly become "exaggerations for effect".
136. "You are a liberal and hate America!" In this rather mindless game, the fundie starts foaming at the mouth about "liberals" as if that suddenly made nonexistent facts come to his aid. It is really merely another attempt to detract attention from his inability to support his opinions.
137. "Give me a break!" In this fundie game, the fundie asks everyone else to "give him a break" by not pointing out the flaws in his arguments. Apparently hate-filled rants should not be held to the same standard as rational discussion.
138. "You are the Antichrist!" Also known as "You follow false spirits!" In this game, the fundie accuses anyone who can prove that his hate-filled message is NOT supported by the Bible as the antichrist. The more foolish the fundie appears, the more likely he is to make this accusation. After all, how could he look so foolish if his "enemy" wasn't the Antichrist? That's the ONLY possible solution!
139. "Deceptive Partial Quoting." In this fundie game, a fundie will quote reputable sources and well respected figures to make their point. If you follow up and check out the actual quotes in context, you will find that the fundie has left out some key information. Frequently the information left out are words to the effect of: "This does NOT mean that..." or "We have not found any evidence to support the idea that..."
140. "It's your fault I am hounding you!" While "The Devil Made Me Do It" is one of the most violent of fundie games, this one is one of the most hypocritical. The messages that fundies constantly spew are violent and vicious enough that they sometimes drive the victim into a deep depression -- especially if it is a relative who cannot get away from them and who has likewise been brainwashed with the fundie's violent messages. Usually the fundie has no clue this is what he is actually doing. The resulting depression then gets blamed on the presumed "sin" rather than the actual cause -- the fundie's own verbal assaults.
141. "I'm sleeping with Jesus, so I get special treatment." Otherwise known as "I have a relationship, not a religion." In this fundie game, the fundie will claim that his special "relationship" with Jesus means that he gets special treatment that those who are NOT sleeping with Jesus will not get. It doesn't matter what he or she does because of that special "relationship". The way it is described, it sounds like the special treatment that some people receive by sleeping with the boss.
142. "Shoot the Messenger". In this game a fundie's favorite reasons for hating people are thoroughly refuted by actual in-context quotes from the Bible. Rather than address the actual scriptures he doesn't like, the fundie will do his best to slander the person who proved that he was wrong.
143. "You should lie to make me happy." In this fundie game, after his opinion has been thoroughly refuted and his favorite Biblical reasons for hating people are proven not to be supported by the Bible, the fundie will start whining that "he should just admit I am right", even though it is clear to anyone who has paid attention that it is the FUNDIE who is wrong.
144. "You aren't really human." In this rather sick fundie game, the fundie will claim that the objects of his bigotry are not really human. This usually comes out as "Blacks are just monkeys" or "Gays don't love, just lust".
145. "The false back quote" In this dishonest fundie game, the fundie will quote some words which he SAYS he is back quoting, but which in reality were never written by the person to whom he is responding. He either changes what was said entirely, makes something up out of nothing, quotes someone else, or leaves out important information.
146. "I am here to rescue you from not being a rabid bigot". In this game, the fundie pretends that only loudmouthed brain dead bigots get into heaven, and only he has the capability of rescuing you from being a human being.
147. "I never saw the post addressed to me." In this game the fundie pretends to have never seen a key post refuting his position or asking for information. Apparently he thinks no one can look at the post and see that it is no longer showing as unread.
148. "Variable Source Credibility" -- in this fundie game, the fundie will have a source for "proof" of his various opinions. This source is unassailable right on every issue right up until the minute that someone quotes the same source to prove the fundie wrong on some issue. At that point, his source suddenly becomes complete garbage until it becomes convenient to use it again.
149. "Bury the facts in shit" In this fundie game, after a fundie has received a rebuttal of his position that is so compelling that even he knows he is wrong, the fundie will start a flurry of one-line meaningless messages composed entirely of fluff and/or insults. The purpose of THIS game is to bury the rebuttal so deep in the thread that no one will be able to find it in the midst of all the garbage.
Copyright © 2005 by John Richards.
All rights reserved, except that free distribution via any medium is permitted as long as author's credit is given and no profit is involved.ext.